War in Iraq
:The following article has proven to not be true by various scientists across the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. So....In various scientists we trust. The War in Iraq, also known as The Let's Fuck the Mother Fuckers up before They Fucking Go Fuck Up Some More Shit War (shortened to The LFTMFUBTFGFUSMSW War, pronounced Luh-fet-muh-fub-tuh-fuh-guh-fuss-muh-saw), which has managed to last over a period of several months, is finally going to come to an end, as Barack Obama has told us: :"Let me state this as clearly as I can: by October 31, 2376, the Iraq War might end" Which made Americans, for whatever reason, very happy, even though the majority of them won't be alive when that date comes. Iraqians, as most people like to call them, see this war as "an unfair advantage for Americans". Of course, they'd be speaking their own fucking language, so it'd probably sound more like "!_@&#$-34q843-214y_#7-4Q234872Q-4" or something of that similarity. During the George Bush presidency, George W. Bush announced that the war will continue until he has enough oil to fill his cereal bowl, while Kanye West interrupted him and said, "Ay, George, Ima letya finish, but Iraq has the best oil of all time! ALL TIME!" According to some random guy from Oklahoma, the cost for the war is currently at $144 billion but who really knows that for sure? What if this guy is on a vacation and that's how much the vacation costs? IRAQ HAS THE HIGHEST RATING OF NATIVE IRAQ PEOPLE! true fact Black people are people with black skin. White people are people with white skin. Iraq people are people with Iraq skin. American people are people with American skin History :Main article: History of the War in Iraq This explanation explains the explanation for explaning an explanation of what explanation may explain the explanation for an explanation which explains the explanation for explaning an explanation, and in theory will explain an explanation for explaining the explanation for explaining an explanation explaining the explanation needed for explaining the explanation. 2003 Halfassed invasions Saddam Hussein was shopping at an American, military Walmart one morning in disguise (he was wearing a false moustache) before going to the park when Will Smith just happened to be working there as a cashier for minimum wage for various financial and personal reasons and had spotted him and found him suspicious. Even though the Walmart was armed with thousands of soldiers with AK-47s inside and outside, that was when Saddam Hussein felt it was safe to take out a pistol and take Will Smith hostage. But before anyone could notice, a helicopter flew in and randomly dropped a bunch of pandas straight out of an Iraqian zoo and into a desert. But these weren't actually pandas. These were Kung Fu Pandas with all Jack Black voicovers for voices. It was obviously a fucking disguise, dammit, but nobody thought anything of it and when one went into Walmart and pulled out a pistol, the same method Saddam had used, all the soldiers went "Ah fuck, he's gotta gun! Run for your life!" and half of them hid in various places while the others escaped through back doors or used their AK-47 to shoot through the wall and get out before they were in any danger. But Will Smith was ready to fight so he pulled out a knife and managed to ricochet all the incoming bullets and he even caught three of them. Chuck Norris was also, of course, on his side. But Will Smith dropped his knife when he slipped in some chocolate pudding on the floor and he ran for his life as the pandas came in and took over Walmart as their official headquarters. America's response The government, which included George W. Bush (at the time) decided to do nothing. George Bush made an official statement, saying: :"What the fuck are pandas gonna do? You dumbasses are fucked up. Get a life, America. You bitches. Soccer-moms. Pizza delivery guys." Most people in America, mainly geeks and nerds, were Googling everything about Iraqian-Panda Walmart Invasions. About 500,000 results came up. The news loved covering this story, especially Nancy Grace, who constantly said stuff like, "Pandas invade Walmart? I haven't seen this happen since the Vietnam war in 1758" and other bullshit shit like that. Most Americans disregarded the possibility of a war forming out of this, though, and simply went back to listening to their iTouches and getting on their 2009 edition MacBooks. Oh, wait a second, this is 2003 isn't it? They were getting on their 2007 edition, then. 2004 Grenades & Atomic bombs The US government intends to start the war by launching several grenades at Iraq over the Atlantic Ocean, or wherever the fuck the middle east is, but the Iraqians really didn't get it and instead started dropping Atomic bombs on Oklahoma, of course, which, in turn, is what really started the war. This resulted in the US government getting real pissed off and so they start sending ships over there with about seven soldiers on them, each, to fight off the millions of Iraqian soldiers. It didn't work, surprisingly, as the 32 Americans who went over there were all forced to watch Iraqian movies, which killed them, brutally and violentally.... So George and Saddam played poker with each other in order to make the war simpler but when George won Saddam got real mad and took out a rocket launcher and threatened to sue himself if George didn't play another game. But Saddam was bluffing as George didn't play again and Saddam didn't sue himself. Instead, he sued Florida "for indecent exposure", he said, and Florida had to pay $30 million in return for a fine. ''The Day of Chocolate Rain'' The Iraqians like to call it The Day of Chocolate Rain because Americans decided to throw a bunch of chocolate bars off the Empire State Building and the Iraqians thought it was raining chocolate bars, which, technically, it was. But that's why they call it that, and that's what really got them pissed, too, because they launched a microwave at the US and it hit some old guy in the head. It obviously killed him. 2005 A lion takes over China In March, a lion named Copernicus survived a crash-landing that was the mishap of a very bad spaceship driver, and the craft landed in China's city limits. So, the deal was, with all the drama China had at the time, that the Lion offered to be able to help them but when he became president he gunned down everybody with a minigun and took over. Then, because lions are scientifically advanced in technological engineering, he turned all of China into a robot and made it stand up and walk over cities and countries and destroy everyone there until it got to Iraq. But then a random meteor fell out of the sky and blew the land (China) to bits. Strangely, a man named Bon Jon Hovi built China again and had a whole lotta sex with this Chinese woman and she had a billion kids and thus China was born and no one knew it even happened. Oh, and they used a helluva lotta miracle growth, too. But it worked. 2006 James and the Giant Peach A man named James which looked almost identical to Tom Cruise had a giant weed plant growing in his back yard and he called it "peach" because nobody knew what the fuck that was and it worked. When the cops came by he would just tell them that it was peaches and they would leave him alone. But one day there was this one cop who drove by and didn't even question him about it; he just told the FBI that the guy had a weed plant in his back yard and they blew up James' trailor. When he got back from Walmart he was like "what the fuck?" So, with this experience, James went all out on his bullshit and started fucking with his Iraqian friends and sent them letterbombs and shit until one day they flew over to America and stabbed him 307 times with a butcher knife. 2007 Tropic thunder Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr. (all black guys. Well, except for Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr.) were actors in a movie and they were going to invade Iraqians with fake guns and knives but they got captured and had to use their "wits" to escape. This resulted in Iraqians fighting back with them by saying that they were "gay" and "faggots" and "bullshit-retards", but it sounded more like "#)*@$2", "#)($)" and "YYYYYYYY". No wait, wasn't that 2008 that that happened?? Barbie dolls attack There were some barbie dolls on sale at an Iraqian Dollar General and they decided that they were gonna go all medieval on America so they started having slapfights with the Dollar General dolls in America which really had little to no significance to the Iraqian war as it was arranged by two nerds who starred on some show that nobody's even fucking heard of. So why were you told this, in the history of the War in Iraq? Yes, we aren't quite sure either. In fact, we have no fucking clue why we added this section in for you...................Enjoy? 2008 The two presidents try to come to an agreement Unfortunately, however, it had no affect and didn't work. At all, dammit!!! 2009 Mr. and Mrs. Smith With Obama as the new president, he decides to hire Mr. and Mrs. Smith to take down the entire Iraqian soldiers, which consists of some 13,000 people (well over half the Iraqian population, just to let you know), the mission is an ultimate unsuccess and Mr. and Mrs. Smith are hanged upon entry. Down by the bay. Bitch. That's all that's happened, pretty much. So that's all we have to tell you about history. You can leave now. Go away, leave....LEAVE DAMMIT IM NOT KIDDING! GET THE FUCK AWAY YOU MOTHERFUCKING BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 'coughs' Just kidding. Response American America felt that the reason for the War in Iraq was "fucking stupid" and, pretty much, "fucking ridiculous". When one American was interviewed about it, he had this to say during an interview on the CNN Censored News Special: :"Man, I don't even know what the fuck this Goddamn fucking war is about, Goddammit! But I got a bitchy bitch for a fucking wife and she don't ever fucking shut the hell up! What the fuck is going on with this Goddamn world, huh, dammit? What the fuck am I supposed to do, now, you bitches! Dumbasses! My fucking job is bullshit and I'm the shit. There's even some fucking shit lying out in my front yard cuz that dumbass dog took a twelve pound shit right in the middle! Fuck you! Fuck the world! I don't even fucking care anymore, dammit! Fuck you! Fuck you all!" Iraqian The Iraqian peeps see this as an opportunity for destruction and all dat shit. People see it as a chance to just go to France and beat the shit outta the Ifael Tower, even though that's really fucking illogical and illegal, to be exact, and it would be useless, almost. But not if you had a crowbar. Ah yeah, you can do just about anything with a fucking crowbar. Open a car, beat the shit outta some random guy walking down the street, open a car....All that shit. Concerns Apocalypse Some people are worried that the Iraqians will go crazy and just fucking take out a big cannon and blow a rocket out of it that is a hydrogen bomb and it will destroy the world and only five people will live from the explosion. And they'll all be girls. DAMMIT. But, no, scientists say, that can't happen, because if only five people survive, then it's called a fivesome and there HAS to be a guy in a fivesome, even though there doesn't in a foursome or threesome. So, yes, it is physically, sexually, emotionally, and....uh....bitchally.... impossible. Other disasters Some people also think that the Lochness Monster will jump out of some Tennessee creek and it'll be a Nazi and it'll start enslaving the human race. Now, this, however, is a more likely situation and it very well could happen. So watch out everyone....someone might clone Hitler, too. Criticism In general The War in Iraq has faced much criticism due to the fact that it has little to no point and up to this moment in time (some 6 to 7 years or whatever) most of the soldiers fighting don't even have a fucking clue why they're figthing, they just love blowing people's heads off with machine guns and rifles and such From hippies So, in result, many people have asked the presidents over and over "to just end the war already! There's no point in fighting because fighting only results in pain and untrustworthiness. So please, fellow citizens, allow us to work together to build a new society!!!!" But the only people who agreed with that offer were those stupid dumbass hippies with the peace-sign shirts and headbands with flowers on them. And the fact that their spouse is a tree. And that they worship the Earth. What the fuck. Honestly. See also *America *History of the War in Iraq *Barack Obama *2012 phenomenon